TV cooking gurus evoke Homer’s gold with a breezy acronym (EVOO) and splash it around like it’s tap water. Even local- and seasonal-minded cooks like me treat it like a pantry staple. I live thousands of miles from the nearest olive grove, yet I rarely pass a day without heating some oil in a pan with a little chopped onion and chile pepper to build flavor for a sauté; drizzling it over salad greens with a dash of vinegar and a pinch of salt for a quick dressing; or assaulting a finished pasta dish with it (to the horror of some dining companions).

Unfortunately, olive oil’s ecological footprint has exploded along with its popularity. In Homer’s time, household olive production ringed the Mediterranean, part of a highly productive polyculture that included grapevines, nut trees, and more. Remnants of that tradition still exist (as do some of the olive trees, which can live past 1,000 years), but most olive oil now comes from vast plantations that rely heavily on irrigation and agrichemicals.

An olive grove in Italy.Jon Shave via flickrAccording to a scathing 2008 report in the U.K.‘s Ecologist magazine, industrial-scale olive production is turning large swaths of southern Europe into desert, drawing down the water table, squeezing out biodiversity, and drenching the earth in chemicals. The resulting gusher of cheap oil undercuts the small-scale artisans who made the product so popular in the first place.

If that weren’t enough, a shocking portion of the product that appears on our supermarket shelves as extra-virgin olive oil is actually cut with cheap sunflower and hazelnut oil, as this 2007 New Yorker exposé shows. These counterfeit oils, too, are no doubt grown under ecologically devastating circumstances.

Against this backdrop of industrialization and adulteration, I wanted our tasting to include real olive oils (I know, picky) from producers that aren’t destroying the ecology of the Mediterranean. I would love to have included some of the fantastic California-based oils now available—such as Frog Hollow Farm—but could not get my hands on any certified-organic ones for this tasting. I rarely see much California oil in supermarkets outside of the state. And in freight terms, it’s probably more efficient for East Coasters to buy oils shipped by boat from Europe rather than by truck from California. (As for shipping impacts in general, olive oil is on that list of things—coffee, tea,cocoa, wine—that come only from specific areas, don’t requirerefrigeration, and can be packed quite efficiently. Thus I don’t fretmuch about food miles.)

Given the harsh economic realities of our times, I had to rule out the magnificent $40-plus bottles that come direct from small, diversified farms. Neither Grist’s budget, nor those of most families, can afford such luxuries these days.

So to proceed, I scoured the shelves of two natural-food stores for relatively inexpensive organic olive oils. (I figured the organic-certification process would largely weed out adulterated products.) I found five. Then I assembled a panel of five food lovers to join me in tasting them: first unadorned as a dip for bread, then tossed with spaghetti along with a pinch of sea salt and chopped fresh garlic. Here’s what we found.

[A note on origins: “Product of Italy” is a notoriously misleading phrase, one that actually tells us little about an oil’s country of origin. Olive-oil bottlers in Italy can legally bring oil in from elsewhere—common sources include Spain and Turkey—bottle it in Italy, and declare it a “Product of Italy.”]

Whole Foods 365 Everyday Organic Extra Virgin Olive Oil$6.49/16.9 oz, or $0.38/ounce Origin: 100 percent Italian olives (according to the company’s website)

This one made everyone’s top three in preference, and thus took the prize. I found it delicate, subtle—almost to the point of blandness—and satisfying, both on its own and in the pasta. One taster found it “nice [but] basic” on its own, and “very nice ... strong” on the noodles. Others comments were “bland but yummy,” “delicious,” and “peppery.”

La Piana 100% Organic Extra Virgin Olive Oil$12.49/16.9 oz, or $0.74/ounceOrigin: “Product of Italy”

This one fared solidly, landing in the middle of the pack. Its most enthusiastic supporter called it “clean crisp, nice, smooth” in its unadorned state, but “nothing amazing” in the pasta. Other comments ranged from “olive-y” to “nice flavor” to “spicy and balanced.” I found it to be perfectly nice, but a little boring.

Spectrum Organic Extra Virgin Olive Oil $16.99/25.4 oz, or $0.66/ounceOrigin: Spain

This one divided the panel. I found it the most interesting of the bunch, with assertive herbal and spice notes lacking in the other entries. In the pasta, the oil stood up to and balanced the garlic. I rated it number one. One other taster concurred. She found it “yummy, full-flavored” on its own, “earthy and rich” in the pasta. Other tasters disagreed - -vigorously.  “Very bitter, tastes like gasoline,” roared one. Two others agreed about the bitterness. Another found it “too acidic” with bread, but “nutty” with pasta.

Zoe Organic Extra Virgin Olive Oil$17.99/23.5 oz, or $0.76/ounceOrigin: Spain

I liked this one; the other tasters, not so much. I thought it delivered a smooth and buttery flavor, with a hint of bitter tannin. One taster found it acceptable with bread (“spicy on the back of the mouth, good first taste”), but deplorable on pasta (“so bitter and oily”). Another taster’s impression went from “grassy” to “fishy” in the progression from bread to pasta. “Too light, with bitter overtones,” concluded another.

Bionaturae Organic Extra Virgin Olive Oil $12.50/17 oz, $0.73/ounce Origin: “Made in Italy” and “100% Italian”

This one did well, placing second. It fared particularly well on pasta. I found it muted but delicious on bread and balanced and correct on the pasta. Its biggest champion declared “dainty ... lightly spicy” (bread) and “very olive-y ... rich and earthy” (pasta). Others generally found it disagreeable with the bread but much improved on pasta.

The bottom line: In my kitchen, I divide olive oils into two categories: “everyday,” which I use for low-heat sautés and strong-flavored dressings; and “finishing,” which I use only to drizzle over dishes just before eating. I would happily use any of these as everyday oils; I will probably give the Spectrum and Bionaturae oils a turn as finishers. The overall favorite, though, was Whole Foods’ rock-solid and aptly named 365 Everyday. And at about half the per-ounce price of the other oils, it’s quite a bargain.

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Simple people

Word.osde8info via flickrTo begin with, there was my discovery that there are “lunch napkins”—the square, scratchy kind—and “dinner napkins,” the comparatively elegant, rectangular, softer kind. Seriously? I’d never noted this distinction at the store, let alone honoring it at my dinner (I mean lunch) table.

More to the point, there are my newfound feelings of confusion over my lifelong paper-napkin use. Do I, like the average American, really use 2,200 paper napkins a year? Could I, along with my fellow Americans, use one less napkin a day and save a billion pounds of tree-killing, chlorine-bleached napkins from heading to the landfills? Should I invest in bamboo cloth and PVC-free rings and join the ranks of virtuous wipers who reuse their napkins for several days?

The cloth vs. disposable debate has a certain ring of familiarity to it, and your leanings will depend upon squeamishness, upbringing, and other factors. If you are among those who use disposable napkins regularly or occasionally, this great offense can be somewhat ameliorated by buying those made from recycled paper. But do the suckers work?

I found six brands of lunch napkins and put them through a series of tests. First there were the everyday encounters: pizza grease, grape jam, maple syrup, spilled water. Then there were the wet and dry strength tests. Then there were the in-a-pinch tests: How did the napkin perform as an ersatz rag for stove cleaning? Mirror polishing? Nose blowing?

Here’s what I found:

Scott Naturals by Kimberly-ClarkEco-claim: A “sensible blend” of 80 percent recycled fiberPrice/quantity: $4.29/400 one-ply napkinsCute slogan: “Green done right”

Just a few months ago, the launch of the Scott Naturals line incurred the wrath of activists including Forest Ethics’ Ginger Cassady, who wrote a scathing op-ed right here on ye olde Grist. But last week’s news of sustainable commitments by parent company Kimberly-Clark has given treehuggers new hope. Still, this product is the least impressive of the lot, in eco-terms: with a comparatively piddling 80 percent recycled fiber and a pretty flimsy feel, it’s more pretender than contender. It did rank among the most absorbent in these tests, but loses major points for scratchiness.

365 Everyday Value by Whole FoodsEco-claims: 100 percent recycled paper (80 percent post-consumer content), whitened without chlorine bleach, fragrance freePrice/quantity: $2.99/250 one-ply napkinsCute slogan: None

As usual, we’ve included the 365 “brand” in this lineup, even though it’s secretly someone else’s brand in Whole Foods’ packaging. That’s how private-label products work, friends! In this case, I’m fairly certain the secret brand is Marcal (see below), judging by the identical pattern, performance, and price point. Would these do as everyday table napkins? Absolutely. Do they hold up under heavy-duty oven-cleaning and strength tests? Not hardly.

Green Forest by Planet Inc. Eco-claims: 100 percent recycled paper (minimum 90 percent post-consumer content), whitened without chlorine, unscentedPrice/quantity: $3.69/250 one-ply napkinsCute slogan: “Soft on nature”

The curious history of this brand wends from its creation at a small Wisconsin paper company to near-demise under the Georgia-Pacific umbrella to rescue by “Planet Inc.” in 2005. Methinks, based on pattern and performance, that these too are a private-label version, this time of Seventh Generation’s product*. [Apparently methought wrong; click on the asterisk for details.] Unlike that company, Green Forest uses a reclosable bag and boasts of a “special partnership” with River Network. Performance-wise, the napkins were strong, although they crumbled a bit under pressure. They’re on the softer side of the spectrum, which is sweet on the schnozz.

Small Steps by Marcal Eco-claims: 100 percent premium recycled paper, whitened without chlorine bleaching, no dye or fragrance addedPrice/quantity: $2.99/250 one-ply napkinsCute slogan: “A small, easy step to a greener Earth”

Based in New Jersey, Marcal says it’s been “saving trees since 1950” by making paper from recycled paper. The company has gotten super PR-savvy of late, rebranding its napkins, TP, tissues, and paper towels as “Small Steps” products and encouraging customers to “help us save 1 million trees” (a ticker on its website counts more than 21 million trees saved since 2000—three cheers for underpromising and overdelivering!). While these napkins would be fine for everyday use, they did not hold up as well in strength tests. However, I give Marcal extra points for its reusable drawstring package.

Full Circle Foods Paper NapkinsEco-claim: 100 percent recycled paper (80 percent post-consumer content), whitened without chlorine bleachPrice/quantity: $2.99/300 one-ply napkinsCute slogan: “Return to a natural way of living”

At first blush, these napkins struck me as the weakest of the bunch. They were softer than the others, and seemed thinner—they almost felt like a facial tissue or toilet paper. But damned if they didn’t perform like a champ. They handled maple syrup, grape jam, and pizza grease with aplomb, scored up there with eco-faker Scott’s on absorbency, and held their own in a drip test too. Give me a reusable package, and I’d be in lunch-napkin heaven.

Seventh Generation Recycled NapkinsEco-claims: 100 percent recycled paper (80 percent minimum post-consumer content), whitened without chlorine bleach, free of dyes and fragrances; this recycled paper product helps fight global warming; saves natural resources, reduces pollutionPrice/quantity: $3.69/250 one-plyCute slogan: “In our every deliberation ...”—you know the drill

The grandpappy of green household products scores fairly well in the napkin department—commendably strong when both wet and dry, they left the least residue when wiping maple syrup and were bearably soft on the nose. But they landed on the weak side when pressed into oven-cleaning service, and felt a bit drippier than some of the others.

The Bottom Line: Full Circle wiped away the competition, based on performance, softness, and strength. While the Seventh Generation/Green Forest* version fared slightly better than the Small Steps/365 version, any of them would make a fine table napkin. And all are better than Scott’s Unnaturals, which uses less recycled content and is bleached with chlorine; it’ll be interesting to see whether Kimberly-Clark greens up this product over the next few years in light of its new sustainability commitments.

*The public affairs manager from Planet, Inc., contacted me after publication to clarify that Green Forest is “absolutely not” a sub-brand or private-label version of Seventh Generation and that the companies are in fact competitors.

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Perhaps, like me, you go with the simple criterion of avoiding anything produced by Big Soda and loaded with high-fructose corn syrup. Ha! If only it were this straightforward. What started as a handcrafted, medicinal-tasting beverage devolved during the last century into a mass-produced cloying shadow of its former self. The good news is that root beer, like Mickey Rourke, is making a comeback, and the results can be kinda wild.

Today, your beverage aisle might showcase retro, handcrafted “root sodas” with exotic spices, certified organic root beers, a green-tea root beer, and a diet root beer spiked with an eco-sounding plant-based sweetener. You might even be able to find a local root beer with an ostensibly lighter carbon footprint. OK, so what’s a green-minded, confused consumer like you to do, short of licking your cracked lips, throwing up your hands, and heading to the nearest vending machine?

Answer: Let taste be your guide. Because if it tastes awful, it’s not going to matter if it’s eco, healthy, or handcrafted by pygmy monks chanting hymns to Gaia—you aren’t going to buy it. At least not twice.

So for you, and only you, I assembled a tasting panel consisting of my spouse, a few willing friends, and our gleeful, sticky progeny (see video at bottom) to try some of the root beer alternatives to Big Soda. Herewith, our Highly Unscientific Results:

Maine Root Ingredients: Carbonated pure water, organic fair trade–certified cane juice and spices (according to the website, the company uses extracts of wintergreen, clove, and anise).Eco-claim: Organic fair trade–certified cane juice (though not USDA organic certified).  Also, if you happen to live near Portland, Maine, you can take a small comfort in knowing that this root beer will be delivered via a biodiesel VW Jetta.Price: $7.16 / four-pack of glass bottles

This is a fizzy rather than creamy root beer. Aside from the one comment that this root soda has a “nice nose,” all of the adult tasters felt that it was way too sweet, and one went so far as to describe it as a “marshmallow in a glass.” While you’d assume that the overly sweet quality might appeal to kids, it didn’t. One claimed that it “smelled like mushrooms.”

Boylan’s Root Beer Ingredients: Carbonated water, cane sugar, pure essential oils of sweet birch, cinnamon, sassafras, and anise, extracts of bourbon vanilla, yucca and licorice, and other natural flavors and spices, caramel color (from cane sugar), citric acid.Eco-claim: Touts itself as “100% natural,” which means no artificial flavors, colors or preservatives—which is, methinks, a reasonable place to set the bar, considering that soda basically consists of three things: water, sweetener, and flavoring.Price: $5.96 / four-pack of glass bottles

The online description says this traditional-tasting beer was developed as antidote to the super creamy, vanilla-laden style of root beers that is popular today. Interestingly, more than one taster described it as “traditional” and one described it as thin, perhaps owing to its lack of creaminess. Another said it had a “slightly astringent finish.” One of the kids tasted pepper.

Zevia Natural Diet Soda Root Beer Ingredients: Triple-filtered carbonated water, natural erythritol, natural GMO-free caramel color, stevia, citric acid and natural flavors (citrus peel oil, winter green oil, cassia oil, anise seed oil extract, ginger root extract).Eco-claim: Touts itself as “100% natural” and “nature’s answer to diet soda,” but the marketing emphasis is on stevia’s superiority to artificial sweeteners, not its environmental impacts. (My take is that stevia, at this point in time, doesn’t seem particularly environmentally destructive. Read more of what I have to say about stevia.)Price: $5.69 / six-pack of cans

After several expletives and exclamations, it was clear that my panel would rather suffer dehydration headaches than drink this root beer. One of our tasters said it “tastes like the snacks at my diabetic father-in-law’s house.” Another sighed, “That’s definitely a diet drink.” I found it sickly sweet and only vaguely root beer–like. The kids found it “weird” and “bad” but worst of all like “polishing toothpaste.” (Q: Since when do kids use Topol?)

Whole Foods 365 Everyday Value Root Beer Ingredients: Filtered carbonated water, cane sugar, natural root beer flavor, citric acid, caramel color (from cane sugar).Eco-claim: None on the packaging, but Whole Foods has a notoriously green agenda.Price: $2.49 / six-pack of cans

“A good, solid root beer,” said one taster, and another approved of its “caramel nose.” Another said, with obvious relief, “No funny aftertaste!” I found it to be smooth and straightforward and neither too sweet nor too weird. The kids deemed it spicy, sweet, and root-beery. Our panels (adults and kids) separately ranked it No. 1, with no dissent.

Blue Sky Certified Organic Root Beer Encore Ingredients: Filtered carbonated water, organic cane juice, natural root beer flavor, caramel color and citric acid.Eco-claim: Uses USDA-certified organic cane sugar. Why pony up for organic sugar? Although you don’t have to worry about GMOs yet when it comes to cane sugar (GMO sugar beet crops have been planted in the U.S.), conventionally grown sugar does have enormous impacts on the environment. Read all about it in a World Wildlife Fund report.Price: $5.69 / six-pack of cans

This was the neither-here-nor-there root beer. Although it had a “nice nose” and was “pleasantly effervescent,” its aftertaste bugged the tasters who described it as sour, flat, or medicinal. The damning comment: “No worse than any other root beer.” One of the kids said it was “more like Coke,” which shocked her parents, who would never let their kids drink Coke.

Santa Cruz Organic Root Beer Ingredients: Sparkling filtered water, organic evaporated cane juice, natural root beer flavor, organic lemon juice concentrate, organic vanilla extract.Eco-claim: In addition to using USDA-certified organic ingredients, the company itself makes green efforts. The can also carries a Green-e label that states that this root beer is made with 100 percent certified renewable energy.Price: $6.99 / six-pack of cans

That fact that this soda is clear may telegraph that it doesn’t use artificial color, but our tasters found its transparency “kinda freaky” and “trippy.” A child commented that it looked like white wine. After sipping, someone blurted out, “That’s root beer?” No one actively disliked this soda, but every taster complained that it was not root-beery enough. Two tasters said it was “like a ginger ale” and one thought it was like a Sarsaparilla (a drink made from the eponymous root rather than the sassafras root that gives real root beer its flavor). Kid zinger: “It tastes like the fluoride I hate the most.”

Virgil’s Microbrewed Root Beer Ingredients: According to the website: carbonated water and unbleached cane sugar along with these natural herbs and spices (including point of origin): anise from Spain, licorice from France, vanilla (bourbon) from Madagascar, cinnamon from Ceylon, clove from Indonesia, wintergreen from China, sweet birch from the southern U.S., molasses from the U.S., nutmeg from Indonesia, pimento berry oil from Jamaica, balsam oil from Peru, cassia oil from China.Eco-claim: Like Boylan’s, its ingredients are “natural.” Although artisan consumables and green-mindedness often go hand in hand, it’s worth remembering that this isn’t always the case. This product aims to be tasty rather than to save the world. Upside: no greenwashing. Downside: What, no freakin’ biodiesel Jetta?Price: $6.36 / four-pack of glass bottles

This beer is brewed and flash-pasteurized as opposed to “cold-brewed,” which allegedly produces a sub-standard product. “Nice and dark,” someone cooed as we poured it. Strangest comment: “Dark and bubbly like a good Jacuzzi.” Every taster noted the licorice taste and used the polite-but-damning adjective “different” to describe it. Refreshingly, this entry is not too sweet.

Steaz Organic Sparkling Green Tea Root Beer Ingredients: Sparkling filtered water, organic evaporated cane juice, organic caramel color, natural flavors, organic fair trade–certified green tea, citric acid, ascorbic acid (Vitamin C), Sodium citrate.Eco-claim: UDSA organic ingredients plus organic and fair-trade green tea. Triple-bottom-line company.Price: $3.99 / four-pack of glass bottles

Does green tea really belong in root beer? “Damn hippies,” spat one taster. Most tasters found the dominant taste not to be root beer–like or tea-like but akin to caramel or syrup. Thin, watery texture made one taster lament that it had, like limp hair, “no body.” One kid said it tasted like Sprite.

Saranac Root Beer Ingredients: Filtered water, high fructose corn syrup, caramel color, sodium benzoate (preserves freshness), natural and artificial flavors, citric acid.Eco-claim: None on the bottle, but according to its website, Saranac’s green initiatives include recycling its spent grains into cattle feed (insert boo-hiss from grass-fed beef fans) and recycling the CO2 from its fermentation process. Although people in my neck of New England think of it as a “local” root beer, it’s brewed 144 miles from my house, according to MapQuest.Price: $6.29 / six-pack of glass bottles

I was so peeved to discover that this beer contained HFCS that I almost didn’t include it in the tasting. (Alas, HFCS is not uncommon in comeback root beers, as Eric Asimov discovered in his taste-test.) I included it because I was curious: Would anyone taste it? Sure enough, the very first comment was, “The sugar is different in this one!” Another taster said, “Overly sweet.” Ultimately, tasters liked its texture, which was so creamy and smooth that one taster said it was “like whipped cream in my mouth.” I thought it had an overly tangy aftertaste. It was the runner-up for the kids, who said it was a “plain-old root beer.”

The bottom line: Whole Foods 365 Everyday Value Brand root beer tastes great and doesn’t contain HFCS. It may not be earnestly green, handcrafted, exotic, or zero-cal, but its low price means that you might be able to afford to top if off with a big dollop of really yummy organic vanilla ice cream. Enjoy!

Watch the Junior Tasters at work:

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Cow juice alternative?The Sheppard family has what you might call an ice cream problem.

When I was 8 and my brother was 5, we went to Disney World. After a day of themepark excitement, my brother started walking with a pronounced limp. My mother asked him what was wrong. “My leg hurts,” he replied. “I need Mickey Mouse ice cream.”

Another time, when I was about 12, my father lurched up from his chair in our living room in the middle of prime-time television, grabbed his chest, and fell to the floor yelling, “Arrrghhhh!” This was followed by, “I’m dying! There’s no ice cream in the house.” My mother, who had assumed he’d had a heart attack, was nonplussed by his plea for dairy delight.

Needless to say, ice cream was the dessert of choice in the Sheppard household. Imagine my dismay when, sometime during my senior year of college, my body suddenly developed an inability to digest lactose. I’ll spare the details, but let’s just say it makes my dairy air not so pleasant.

I only recently discovered the non-dairy alternatives out there, derived from soy, rice, and coconut milks. Sadly, I find most of the soy- and rice-based options gross—their texture is nothing like real ice cream, and they seem to add way too much sugar to compensate for the lack of cow juice. I was excited to discover that coconut-milk based brands come much closer to the taste and feel of regular ice cream, but I had to get over the fact that they remind me of eating sunscreen.

In search of the best options out there, I assembled a panel of judges to conduct a highly scientific taste-test of six non-dairy ice cream varieties to find out for you, dear readers, what ranks highest. Of course, it will never be the same as real ice cream. I think you really have to create a separate category for these types in your mind and taste buds, divorcing yourself from the idea that they will ever be like the real thing. My roommate put it best in an eloquent analogy: “Soy ice cream is to real ice cream as a vibrator is to sex.” Still enjoyable, but just not the same.

Rice Dream Organic Vanilla Milk base: RiceMore details: Organic, dairy-free, gluten-freePrice: $3.69/pint

One reviewer remarked that this one had a “papery taste.” Another thought it tasted like that weird white Laffy Taffy stuff you ate when you were a kid—not like real vanilla. It is decidedly not rich, creamy, or ice-cream-like.

Organic So Delicious Dairy Free Mocha Fudge Milk base: SoyMore details: Organic, dairy-free; Turtle Mountain supports sea-turtle restoration, sustainable agPrice: $4.45/quart (quarts only)

This one is creamier than the other soy options, but panelists complained that it was too sweet. The taste of the sugar made it hard to actually discern that it is supposed to taste like mocha. The chocolate swirled into it, however, is pretty tasty. The overall conclusion from tasters was, “Take it or leave it—it’s not that good.”

Luna & Larry’s Coconut Bliss Chocolate Hazelnut FudgeMilk base: CoconutMore details: Organic, soy-free, dairy-free, gluten-free, agave-sweetenedPrice: $7.95/pint

This treat elicited squeals of delight from panelists, who heralded its proximity to real ice cream. It’s very chocolatey, and the nuts are good too. They’re very small and mild, so they don’t overwhelm the other tastes (which is good, as I am generally opposed to nuts in ice cream). The hazelnut and chocolate tastes work well together, and they also work with the faint taste of coconut. The texture and sweetness are both just right.

Good Karma Organic Rice Divine Mint Chocolate SwirlMilk base: RiceMore details: Organic, dairy-free, gluten-free; supports sustainable ag, donates a portion of proceeds to hunger organizationsPrice: $3.99/pint

This cream tastes good at first, but the mint leaves a strange (and not particularly good) aftertaste. There is not much in the way of chocolate swirl, despite the claim on the package. The texture is nothing like real ice cream—it’s not creamy and it doesn’t even melt on your tongue right. It also tries to compensate for its deficiencies with too much cane juice, resulting in an ice cream that somehow manages to be both too sweet and too bland, with an aftertaste that one panelist likened to Kaopectate.

Turtle Mountain Purely Decadent Dairy Free Cookie DoughMilk base: SoyMore details: Organic, dairy-free, gluten-free; Turtle Mountain supports sea-turtle restoration, sustainable agPrice: $4.99/pint

Of the soy-based options, this is probably the best. Or at least, it got better as it melted a little bit, according to our panel. At first panelists complained the texture was all wrong, but their opinions improved the more they ate, and the meltier it got. The cream part is pretty good, but the dough balls were almost uniformly categorized as gross—they had a “sandy” texture, according to one taster, while another said they were “grainy.” It was also deemed too sweet, but passable as ice cream.

Turtle Mountain Purely Decadent Coconut Milk Chocolate Peanut Butter SwirlMilk base: CoconutMore details: Organic, dairy-free, gluten-free, agave-sweetened; Turtle Mountain supports sea-turtle restoration, sustainable agPrice: $4.99/pint

My immediate reaction to this was that it tasted like chocolate-flavored sunscreen, and that those two tastes should never mix. But a few more spoonfuls convinced me otherwise, once I grew accustomed to the presence of a mild coconut flavor hanging in the background to the flavor it’s supposed to be exuding. The peanut butter swirl is also very tasty, and compliments the other flavors quite nicely. This one has great texture—very smooth, and it actually feels, looks, and melts most like dairy-based ice cream. Unfortunately, the fact that you need to get over that coconut flavor makes you more inclined to eat the whole pint yourself.

The bottom line: The coconut-based brands are the way to go, as long as you’re not averse to the ever-present hint of coconut flavor. While both coconut ice creams in this tasting ranked well, Luna’s sky-high price could put it out of reach for some. In general, anything chocolatey is probably a better bet than vanilla, and soy-based is better than rice.

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In my four-plus decades on this planet, I’ve gone through many transformations. One constant has been a devotion to ice cream.

Tastes like heaven.Somewhere, there exists a photo of three-year-old me with an ice cream cone rammed into my face, which is marked with splotches of Rocky Road. My expression is focused, beatific, like a religious fanatic at prayer. To this day, I remember howls of adult laughter echoing around me. I didn’t give a damn—what mattered was getting that creamy, crunchy, sweet stuff into my mouth.

I try to play it cooler these days, but the joy I take in the famed cold confection has changed little. Thus when my editor approached me with the assignment of tasting organic ice creams, I pretended to be put upon, before “reluctantly” agreeing. Inside my brain, I indulged a thunderous “Yes!” [Editor’s note: What? You pitched me this topic!]

Given the broad variety of flavors available in store-bought brands, practical considerations forced me to choose a single one for comparison. I was sorely tempted to pick chocolate, which I think would have given a wide diversity of flavor profiles. But I settled on vanilla, a delicate flavor that wouldn’t mask flaws in the product. To spice things up a bit, I threw in two variations on the plain-vanilla theme: Stonyfield Farms’ Crème Caramel (caramel swirl) and PJ Madison’s Southern Butter Pecan.

Now, I’m a devotee of full-on, full-fat ice cream, made with real dairy and eggs. (I love beans and rice, but find them best served hot with salsa, not extruded into liquid, sweetened, and then frozen. Look for a forthcoming product tester—by another author—on non-dairy ice “creams.”) To see if I really needed all of that fat to enjoy a frozen dairy dessert, I added Stonyfield’s no-fat vanilla frozen yogurt into the mix.

Then I assembled a tasting panel of six ice cream-loving friends—plus a lactose-intolerant seventh who served us samples and kept us from knowing which was which. Everyone brings his or her own agenda to a blind tasting. What I was looking for were smooth, rich-but-not-too-rich, not overly sweet ice creams, yellow from the yolks of real farm eggs, dotted with flecks of real vanilla seeds, and delivering a pronounced vanilla flavor.

Here’s what we found.

Julie’s Organic VanillaVanilla seeds or extract: ExtractPrice: $3.69/pintEco-claim: Virtually free of pesticides, preservatives, chemical additives, food coloring, or genetically engineered ingredients

I found this pale ice cream well-made and satisfying, delivering a nice round vanilla flavor, but a little on the sweet side. I ranked it second-best. One taster declared it “yummy,” with tapioca notes, while another liked it generally, but found an “oily” aftertaste. Its most enthusiastic taster found it “smooth and rich ... more complex than the others.” One critic found it “dull ... really cheap commercial dairy ... almost plastic.”

Alden’s Vanilla BeanVanilla seeds or extract: SeedsPrice: $3.69/pintEco-claim: Our milk comes from healthy cows not raised on hormones or antibiotics

Oddly enough, this one turns out to be made by the same company as Julie’s, an entity known as Oregon Ice Cream Company. It was my favorite of the lot, offering a restrained but well-rounded vanilla flavor and a light-cream texture. Bonus: not overly sweet. Two tasters praised the level of vanilla flavor but found an oily aftertaste; a fourth found it a “little chewy in texture.” “Upscale” and “a little plain” were other reactions.

Stonyfield Gotta Have Vanilla Non-Fat Frozen YogurtVanilla seeds or extract: SeedsPrice: $4.19/pintEco-claim: We use farm-fresh milk from family farms

This ringer—the only non-fat product in the lineup—landed with a thud. Can’t believe it’s not real cream? Not our panel. I found it thin, oversweet, and artificial-tasting, despite the vanilla-seed flecks. One person dismissed it with one word: SWEET. Another found it “medicinal—not in a good way.” Another found it “very low” in vanilla flavor and “watery.” Still another judged it was “trying too hard ... mediocre.” It did find one defender, who ranked it number one: “great texture ... [vanilla-]bean flavored.”

Stonyfield Gotta Have Vanilla Ice CreamVanilla seeds or extract: Extract Price: $4.19/pintEco-claim: We use farm-fresh milk from family farms

This one neither particularly pleased nor offended. I was encouraged by its rich yellow color, suggesting the presence of good farm eggs. I liked the light, smooth texture, but the flavor was oversweet and the vanilla muted. Several tasters concurred; others disagreed. “More robust and stronger vanilla,” wrote one, adding, “something you’d find in a cute ice cream shop (in a good way).”

PJ Madison Southern Butter PecanVanilla seeds or extract: N/APrice: $3.99/pint Eco-claim: Changed business models to focus on the research and development of organic ice cream after learning about the harmful effects of organophosphate pesticide levels in humans

I feared the non-vanilla ice creams would gain an unfair advantage, because of their contrast with the others. The opposite happened—people generally disliked this one. I detected an artificial vanilla taste (the ingredients lists no vanilla, just “organic flavors”).  And the texture, not so creamy. Other folks found it oversweet and unappealing. “Nothing to write home about, even if it is pecan,” declared one. “Tastes like Splenda,” said another.

Stonyfield Crème Caramel Ice CreamVanilla seeds or extract: N/APrice: $4.19/pintEco-claim: We use farm-fresh milk from family farms

Full disclosure: This is typically my favorite store-bought ice cream these days. Of course I picked it out right away. Oddly—perhaps because I had tasted five ice creams previously—it didn’t appeal as much as usual. I wanted more of a caramelized punch. Others liked it; “sweet and creamy,” “smooth,” and “full, not overbearing” were among the comments.

PJ Madison Bourbon VanillaVanilla seeds or extract: ExtractPrice: $3.99/pint Eco-claim: Changed business models to focus on the research and development of organic ice cream after learning about the harmful effects of organophosphate pesticide levels in humans

This one failed to impress. I found it pale, with a faint-vanilla flavor and a decently creamy texture. Others were even less excited. “Boring,” declared one panelist. “Tastes gross,” opined another. “Too sweet,” judged a third. One did find it had “good texture, not yogurt-y.”

The Bottom Line: These ice creams, despite their similarity, drew a wide variety of responses. But two drew positive responses from enough panelists to stand out: Alden’s and Julie’s, both made by Oregon Ice Cream Company. When all the votes were tallied, Alden’s took the crown by a nose. The real bottom line: Ice cream rocks.

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Over the last several weeks, Grist staffers scooped up several of the readily available eco-brands—four sunscreens, which protect by absorbing ultraviolet rays, and five sunblocks, which provide a physical barrier on your skin—and tested them on our sun-deprived flesh. From the wan streets of Seattle to the blazing beaches of the Dominican Republic, we ventured out with nothing between us and the sun but some eco-promises.

Which brands held up, and which ones crapped out? Read on to find out—and add your own experiences in the comments section below. (As always, the Environmental Working Group is an amazing resource; we encourage you to check their comprehensive ratings of sunscreens, including several organic varieties not tested here, to find out the safety of your chosen product.)

Alba BotanicaHawaiian Aloe Vera (SPF 15), Hawaiian Green Tea (SPF 30+), SUN/Sport (SPF 30+) Price: $8.99/4 oz.Eco-claims: 100 percent vegetarian, no animal testing, paraben free, EU Cosmetics Directive compliantActive ingredients: octinoxate, oxybenzone; Sport also lists homosalate, octisalate, avobenzoneEWG score (out of 10): 3 (Sport), 6 (aloe vera), 7 (green tea)

This line of sunscreens has a nice smooth texture and rubs in well. To some, the scented varieties could verge on annoying—or, as one tester put it, “a bit sickly sweet.” The sport lotion, while thicker and requiring more work to rub in, has a less offensive smell. All three worked well, performing like “regular” sunscreens. Alas, they get knocks from EWG for containing the common but creepy ingredient oxybenzone (and, in the case of the smelly ones, “fragrance”). Alba offers mineral and fragrance-free sunblocks, though, that may be worth a look.

Aubrey Organics Natural SunGreen Tea (SPF 25)Price: $8.50/4 oz.Eco-claims: Packed with antioxidants and herbal emollients, vegan, not tested on animalsActive ingredients: Titanium dioxide, Padimate OEWG score: 3

While this one worked just fine, our reviewer gave it a thumbs down for its “sickly, pale, unpleasant” hue and “grainy and gritty and overly sticky” texture. It left a coating on the skin, “making you look extra pale and, given the green tinge, slightly seasick” and rubbed off too easily on clothes, bags, and her significant other. His sentiment is one you just don’t want to hear during a romantic beach getaway: “Ew! Get that clammy arm away from me!”

Burt’s Bees Chemical-Free SunscreenHempseed oil (SPF 15 and 30)Price: $12.99/3 oz.Eco-claims: 99.11 percent natural, paraben free, phthalate free, not tested on animalsActive ingredient: Titanium dioxideEWG score: 3

Burt, you done me wrong.We gave Burt’s a fair trial, but we came to one unavoidable conclusion: it sucks. One tester found it hard to get out of the bottle, but that was the least of her worries: when she applied it next to another brand on her belly, Burt’s left her with a terrible sunburn. “I looked like a mutant, not to mention the pain,” she says months later, still scarred by the experience. A fellow beachgoer using Burt’s also got burned, and on one of my own tests I found the Burt’s patch was the only one that showed color at the end of the day.

JASON Sunbrellas SunscreenSPF 30+Price: $16.49/4 oz.Eco-claims: paraben free, fragrance-free, not tested on animalsActive ingredients: Titanium dioxide, zinc oxideEWG score: 1

Like most physical sunblocks, this one sits on the skin rather than disappearing quickly. But Jason may have taken things to the extreme: “When I put it on, instead of feeling like a Bain de Soleil beauty, I looked more like I’d stepped out of a vampire movie,” reported one tester. I also found that it definitely took some work to rub in, and even after that it left my skin a lighter shade than usual. It worked well, though—and gets the best EWG score of the lot.

Kiss My FaceSPF 30Price: $16.89/4 oz.Eco-claims: contains no animal ingredients, artificial colors, fragrance, or unnecessary chemicals, not tested on animals, 100 percent biodegradable, paraben freeActive ingredients: Ethylhexyl methoxycinnamate, ethylhexyl salicylate, titanium dioxideEWG score: 2

The texture met with mixed reviews—one tester found it “runny” and said it gushed out of the container, while another said it was easier to apply than some of the more pasty options. Like other physical blocks, it left a white residue on the skin that, despite being touted as water resistant, did appear to come off upon contact with the water. Still, it worked well, lasted a while, and gets a nice low score from the EWG.

Desert Essence Organics Age Reversal Mineral SunscreenSPF 30Price: $15.99/3 oz.Eco-claims: 100 percent vegan, free of parabens, sodium lauryl/laureth sulfates, phthalates, and artificial fragrances, not tested on animalsActive ingredients: Zinc oxide, titanium oxideEWG score: N/A

Meet the potion that covered the other half of the tummy pictured above. Subsequent tests of the brand yielded the same sunburn-free results. But this effectiveness comes with a few drawbacks: “The goo is extremely thick, it’s hard to spread, and it turns you ghostly white unless you spend a lot of time rubbing it in ... It’s also greasy and the smell is sort of medicinal.” Other than that, Mrs. Lincoln, you’ll love your sunscreen.

Aveeno Active Naturals Continuous Protection SunblockSPF 55Price: $10.49/3 oz.Eco-claims: Specially formulated with select “active naturals” ingredients such as soy and antioxidants like vitamin EActive ingredient: OxybenzoneEWG score: 7

Perhaps not surprisingly, the entry from this eco-poser brand comes the closest to feeling like regular sunscreen, says one tester: It smells pleasant, rubs in easily, and doesn’t leave a greasy film behind. It also works well, even during a full day in full sun. The big drawback, however: a high score from the Environmental Working Group, due to the inclusion of oxybenzone and fragrance.

The Bottom Line: In general, mineral sunblocks (those containing titanium oxide, zinc oxide, or both) are considered a safer eco-bet than chemical sunscreens (most of which contain oxybenzone). We found Kiss My Face, Desert Essence, and Jason to be the most effective (and have high hopes for Alba’s sunblock, given the effectiveness of its sunscreens). Whatever you do, steer clear of Burt’s Bees—it’ll leave you seeing red.

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Many conventional toilet bowl cleaners contain corrosive ingredients like hydrochloric acid and chlorine bleach that can irritate eyes, skin, and the respiratory tract, and can be fatal if swallowed. Phosphates, which can cause harmful algal blooms, are also commonly used in bathroom cleaning products.

Natural toilet-bowl cleaners replace these harsh chemicals with plant- and mineral-based ingredients that are nontoxic and biodegradable. But are these eco-products worth a shit? I decided to find out. (Hey, it’s my potty, and I’ll try if I want to!)

I gathered eight different eco-options and wielded a toilet-bowl scrubby brush against the evils of long-mellowed toilet bowls near and far. Here are the results:

Biokleen Soy Toilet ScrubEco-claims: Environmentally friendly with no negative effects on rivers, streams, plants, or wildlife; kind to those with chemical sensitivities and allergies; no artificial fragrance, colors, or preservatives; 99 percent VOC free and ozone safe; contains no phosphate, chlorine, ammonia, petroleum solvents, alcohol, butyl, glycol ether, SLS or SLES, EDTA, DEA, No SARA Title II, CA 65, or EPA priority pollutants; no materials listed by the ACGIH as hazardous; no animal testing or animal ingredientsScent: MintPrice: $4.99 / 32 fl. oz.

This soy scrub is a thick, white paste; add that to the minty scent and it feels a bit like you’re squirting the toilet with kaopectate. It does cover the bowl well, but the opaque white coloring makes it hard to see where it’s been squirted – and also where there might be extra dirty spots to scrub. It works OK, and it’s one of the few that doesn’t require a soaking or wait time, which is nice if you’re in a hurry to freshen up before a surprise visit from the mother in law.

Clorox Green Works Natural Toilet Bowl CleanerEco-claims: Made with plant- and mineral-based ingredients; biodegradable; not tested on animals; contains no phosphorus or bleachScent: Original (lemony)Price: $2.59 / 24 fl. oz.

Don’t let the Clorox name on this one scare you – there’s no bleach in this product. Like the other Green Works products, it carries the Sierra Club logo and promises natural ingredients. It delivers on Clorox cleaning power, though – producing the cleanest bowl of the bunch. The thick green liquid fully covers the toilet bowl and the mild lemony/lime scent is pleasant. My only complaint would be that it produces long-lasting bubbles that don’t go away, even with a second flush.

Ecover Ecological Toilet Bowl CleanerEco-claims: Plant-based ingredients—not based on petrochemical ingredients; no chemical residue; optimum level of biodegradability (far exceeds legislative requirements); safe for river and marine life; no animal testingScent: PinePrice: $3.99 / 25 fl. oz.

I like that the bottle notes that Ecover’s ecological factory is built using a grass roof for insulation, wood beams from sustainable forest, and bricks made from coal mine waste. However, the contents are less likable – the strong piney scent almost made me gag as I scrubbed the toilet. And the color-less liquid made it hard to see which parts of the toilet bowl were covered.

Seventh Generation Natural Toilet Bowl CleanerEco-claims: Nontoxic; biodegradable; no dyes; not tested on animals; no animal ingredientsScent: Emerald cypress and firPrice: $3.59 / 32 fl. oz.While the Ecover product left a strong artificial piney scent, the Seventh Generation cleaner had much more natural pine scent to it, leaving the bathroom smelling like a forest rather than a Pine-Sol crime scene. Unfortunately, it was not as strong a cleaner as some of the other options – getting the bowl only about 80 percent clean after a hefty scrubbing down.

Method Lil’ Bowl BluEco-claims: Nontoxic, naturally derived, biodegradable; not tested on animalsScent: Eucalyptus mintPrice: $5.49 / 24 fl. oz.

This one definitely gets points for creative design and marketing – the curvy bottle is cute enough to leave out and the wordsmiths at Method are as punny as (some) Grist staffers. The blue liquid cleans fairly well, but the strong piney-eucalyptus scent fumes are long lasting and too strong to be pleasant.

Earth Friendly Products Toilet KleenerEco-claims: Does not contain phosphates, dyes, or perfumes; does not contain SLS or Cocamide DEAScent: Natural cedarPrice: $2.99 / 24 fl. oz.

This one has a mild smell – more burnt orange than cedar. My main complaint about it (aside from the Kute product name!) is that it is so thick that it doesn’t flow down the bowl to cover it. Instead, the thick, clear get clings right where you squirt it. You’re supposed to leave it there 5-10 minutes, but I’m not sure the purpose, as it will only clean the thin line where it lands until you scrub.

J.R. Watkins Natural Home Care Toilet Bowl CleanerEco-claims:  Biodegradable; no animal ingredients; free of ammonia, benzene, boron, butyl cellosolve, chlorine, dye, ether, formaldehyde, isopropanol, kerosene, mineral spirit, toxin, perfume, petrochemicals, phosphate, phosphoric acid, propylene glycol, SLS, sulfate, sulfuric acidScent: Lemon, natural cedarPrice: $4.99 / 24 fl. oz.

This cleaner had a mild lemon scent – not too overpowering – and got the bowl mostly clean, though it recommends soaking overnight for tough stains. It was a clearish, cloudy color, which made it hard to see what parts of the bowl it covered. Bonus points for the “Gristy” labeling on the bottle boasting its “conscience cleaning power” and “guilt/anxiety-free contents.”

Mrs. Meyer’s Clean Day Toilet Bowl CleanerEco-claims: Cruelty-free, not tested on animals; septic safe; biodegradable; no chlorine or solventsScent: Lemon verbenaPrice: $4.99 / 32 fl. oz.

The “lemon verbena” scent was piney rather than being citrusy, but it still offered a bit of a “pick-me-up” effect. The toilet bowl was nice and white after scrubbing the blue cleaner away. This is a good choice, though more expensive than some of the other options.The bottom line: The best clean for the least green was the Clorox Green Works Natural Toilet Bowl Cleaner. For about a dollar more, Mrs. Meyer’s is also a good option.

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Thanks to gravity, whatever you rub into your scalp during your shower could also end up dripping all over your (completely exposed) body. And in many cases, that includes cancer-causing carcinogens like PEG compounds and sodium laureth sulfate; preservatives like DMDM hydantoin and hormone-disrupting parabens; and the antibacterial agent triclosan, which builds up in human breast milk and can be toxic to the aquatic life on the other end of your drain.

Even those flowery or fruity fragrances (found in 80 percent of shampoos) can cause quite a stink—especially if they contain phthalates, which have been linked to reproductive problems.

But lest you think a dirty hippie lifestyle is the only way to escape this toxic soup, let me shower you with hope. There are a number of eco-brands out there promising safe formulas without the type of chemicals that make the Environmental Working Group squirm. And some of them even provide that same “ooh-and-ahh” feeling while still giving your hair some oomph.

I tested five such eco-brands, choosing to purchase the travel-sized bottles in an effort to save money, space, and unwanted volumes of shampoo I might not like. Keep in mind your results may vary depending on your hair type (mine is long and straight and rather thick).

Here’s a rundown:

Avalon Organics Nourishing ShampooEco-claims: Safe, effective, pro-organic body care without artificial colors, synthetic fragrances, or parabens; E.U. compliantScent: LavenderPrice: $1.99 / 2 oz.

The Avalon shampoo created a good lather—nice and bubbly—without having to reapply. The lavender scent was calming without being overpowering. Afterward, my hair felt clean and soft.

365 Everyday Value ShampooEco-claims: Free of parabens, animal ingredients, artificial fragrance, and unnecessary chemicals; made with biodegradable ingredients; not tested on animalsScent: Citrus grapefruitPrice: $1.29 / 2 oz.

I liked the refreshing grapefruit smell of the Whole Foods brand shampoo, but it left my hair feeling almost too squeaky.

Kiss My Face Whenever ShampooEco-claims: No sodium laurel sulfate or preservatives; no animal ingredients, no artificial colors, not tested on animals; 100 percent biodegradableScent: Green tea and limePrice: $1.29 / 1 oz.

The combination of green tea and lime fragrances was interesting, but not my favorite. The shampoo itself lacked adequate lathering for my thick, lengthy locks. At half the size of the other bottles, this one is also the most expensive.

Giovanni Tea Tree Triple Treat Invigorating ShampooEco-claims: Certified organic; no animal by-products and cruelty freeScent: Peppermint, rosemary, and eucalyptusPrice: $1.99 / 2 oz.

The “invigorating” label on this shampoo is no joke—the peppermint-rosemary-eucalyptus combination is a scent to be reckoned with … and I reckon I’ll stay far away. The peppermint was too overpowering and stung my hairline even after the shower. Add to that the poor lather and watery consistency of the shampoo and I’d say this one was more “trick” than “triple treat.”

Dr. Bronner’s Magic Soaps 18-in-1 Hemp Almond Pure-Castile SoapEco-claims: Contains no synthetics, no petrochemicals, and no “floral water fluff”; certified organic; not animal tested; 100 percent biodegradable; 100 percent veganScent: AlmondPrice: $2.49 / 2 oz.

I loved the sweet almond smell of this one, but it was the most watery of the lot, and the liquid consistency made it hard to get the soap from bottle to head for lathering up. Once I did, though, it felt like I had poured paste in my hair. No matter how much I rinsed nor how much conditioner I applied, I couldn’t get a comb through my hair. A blow-dry left me with a huge ‘fro, and my hair felt horribly sticky all day long.

Wondering where I’d gone wrong, I asked coworkers if they’d used Dr. Bronner’s before—the bottle doesn’t instruct you to dilute it, but had they?—and got an interesting response: the only fan of the stuff is a brunette with super fine hair (her “added volume” is my super-‘fro). So I suppose it depends heavily on your hair type—still, I wouldn’t recommend it.

The bottom line: The Avalon Organics shampoo provided the best clean for the least green—and left my locks smelling and feeling great.

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So why the radically different experiences?Turns out that the high level of minerals in hard water hinders soap’s ability to clean—and phosphates act as a water softener. Spokane’s water is particularly hard; the water in western N.C. is soft. What that means is that people who live in hard-water areas might have to do a little conscious pre-rinsing to make phosphate-free detergents work. The practice needn’t be a major water sucker. Rather than pummel public officials or burn fossil fuel by trekking to Idaho for illicit powder, I urge Spokane residents to consider this tip from Umbra: “Pre-rinse your dishes in one of two ways: Either keep a rubber spatula at the sink and squeegee off each dish, or keep a little bowl of water handy and sponge off each dish.”With the soft-water caveat in mind, here is what I observed from several weeks’ study of leading “green detergents.” As you’ll see, the results are about as exciting as lukewarm leftovers: all of the soaps worked just fine. For these test runs, I didn’t rinse at all; I merely drained glasses and scraped plates. All products are both phosphate- and chlorine-free. Ecover Dishwasher Tablets Eco-claim: Plant-based ingredients; minimal impact on aquatic lifeThese little tablets worked like a dream. Even a plate that had been involved in a fish-breading project came out clear and shiny, with just one little fleck of crusted flour. Points off, though, for the plastic wrapper that swaddles each tablet.Citrasolv Citradish Automatic Dish DetergentEco-claim: Contains no synthetic perfumes or dyes

This is the one I’ve used for years—mainly because it’s usually a little cheaper than the others on the supermarket shelf. It works great, even burnishing the bottoms of deep, fluted glasses crusted with dried red wine. Odd detail: the product contains a “spot prevention agent” called sodium polyacrylate polymer, which the company acknowledges is “not biodegradable.” Environmental Working Group includes this stuff on its list of “polymer derivatives,” which have these health effects: “cancer, reproduction and fertility, birth or developmental effects, organ system toxicity (non-reproductive).” Me, I’d rather have a few spots on my wine glasses than subject my family or the outside world to that stuff. Seventh Generation Free and Clear Automatic Dishwasher Powder Eco-claim: Safe for grey-water systemsThis widely available brand works well. A small pot that had been used to reduce a tomato sauce and then left to dry overnight emerged sparkly, as did a Pyrex dish used to cook an apple crisp. Biokleen Automatic Dish PowderEco-claim: Concentrated in order to leave the smallest footprint on the environmentAnother stellar performer, this one transformed oily pesto residue on a half-dozen plates to a clean, glossy sheen. I wish the company revealed ingredients in individual products on its website, though. The bottom line: Face it—phosphates in dishwasher detergents are obsolete. If your water is soft like mine, hippie detergents get the job done. If not, learn to live with a little conscious pre-rinsing (see above), and you won’t likely miss old-school suds. All of these products performed like champs. If we eliminate Ecover for its plastic wraps, Citrasolv for its polymer derivative, and Biokleen for its lack of ingredient transparency, we’re left with Seventh Generation. 

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Mmm.

When I had my son last year, I wasn’t lulled into thinking his body was a pure, unsullied canvas. I knew that babies are born polluted and that breast milk is full of rocket fuel. Still, it’s nice to maintain the illusion of purity, so as not to go completely insane. So I buy organic baby food, and I’m not alone: by 2007, parents were spending $116 million on organics for their babies, a 21.6 percent increase from the previous year alone.

Though that’s still a small slice of the $3.6 billion baby food pie, it’s nothing to sneeze a mouthful of carrots at. But are all organic baby foods created equal? Even in the health-food sector, there’s dissension in the ranks, between conventional jarred-food companies and a newer contingent of frozen-food entrepreneurs who say their method is more nutritionally sound. Then, of course, there’s the simple notion of making your own.

Curious about the options, I asked my neighbor Karin and her one-year-old son to help my eight-month-old and me test several types of baby food, including my own homemade mush. Our panel lacked some scientific rigor, due to the fact that the two youngest members had somewhat less than discriminating palates. Nevertheless, we were able to draw a few useful conclusions. Here’s what we found.

Earth’s BestYay!: Certified organic, no genetically modified ingredients, extensive selectionUh-oh: High sodium levelsPrice: $0.80/4 oz.

This widely available jarred brand boasts an extensive range of flavors and textures for infants, and makes frozen items for older kids as well. And even though Earth’s Best has been a pawn in the green corporatization chain for a while, current owner Hain Celestial has been recognized several times recently for its green efforts. It tasted good, but the one troubling thing I noticed was consistently higher sodium levels compared to the same flavors in other jarred brands.

Gerber OrganicYay!: Certified organic, easy to find, comes in handy plastic containersUh-oh: Those handy plastic containers—and corporate evilPrice: $0.79/4 oz. or $1.50/7 oz.

This line, introduced as Tender Harvest in 1997 and rebranded in 2006, tastes just fine, and I have to admit that the plastic containers are convenient for travel. But yes, they’re plastic. Perhaps a bigger worry for sustainable-minded shoppers is Gerber’s track record: it has a history of pushing unhealthy foods on unsuspecting parents and is now owned by Nestle, which has a tawdry pushing history of its own. Yuck.

Organic BabyYay!: Certified organic from a company that caresUh-oh: May be hard to findPrice: $0.79/4 oz.

This unassuming line of jarred baby food was introduced in 1997 by United Natural Foods, a wholesale distribution conglomerate with natural roots. While the babies ate it quite happily, my neighbor and I were both only semi-whelmed by the flavor of the squash, which she described as “eh” and I thought was verging on tangy. Still, a solid contender.

Wild HarvestYay!: Certified organicUh-oh: Tastes like baby food—if you’re into that sort of thingPrice: $0.79/4 oz.

Available at several large grocery chains, this jarred brand’s sweet potato tasted the most like “baby food” to me—in a bad way. But my neighbor found the flavor comparable to Earth’s Best, in a good way—and the babies both lapped it up.

Plum OrganicsYay!: Certified organic, BPA-free packagingUh-oh: High price, limited flavor optionsPrice: $3.69/8 oz.

This frozen offering pairs four-ounce, resealable containers in one box. My neighbor and I tried the greens—a blend of spinach, peas, and beans—and both exclaimed that it tasted “like real food” (imagine that!). The babies initially weren’t so keen, though mine ended up eating almost the entire serving. Ultimately, the high price and limited palette—two to six flavors, depending on the stage—make this a supplement, not a staple.

Happy BabyYay!: Certified organic, BPA-free packagingUh-oh: High price, limited availabilityPrice: $4.69/12 oz.

This Brooklyn, N.Y.-based company makes frozen meals for babies, toddlers, and kids. The baby version comes in one-ounce cubes in a BPA-free tray, with two different flavors paired together. We tried the sweet potato and found it incredibly smooth and creamy—like pudding. The cubes thawed quickly, too. And the icing on the cake, at least for some parents: this product has the endorsement of Dr. Sears (cue angelic choir).

Little LetticeYay!: Certified organic, carbon-awareUh-oh: High price, extremely limited availabilityPrice: $2.99/4 oz.

We tried the butternut squash flavor, and it was seriously yummy—creamy and sweet. And the environmental goodness of this small Massachusetts company seems to match the culinary goodness: they use local ingredients when possible, and don’t ship outside the region in an effort to keep their carbon footprint (and costs, one assumes) manageable. Unfortunately, they ... don’t ship outside the region. Sorry, suckas.

Homemade squash and sweet potatoYay!: Cheaper to buy in bulk, no surprisesUh-oh: Takes a little more time, need to provide own containersPrice: $1.39/18 oz. (two medium-sized sweet potatoes), $3.99/20 oz. (squash, pre-peeled)

When it came time to taste-test the squash and sweet potato I’d cooked, I knew exactly what they’d taste like. And then I realized: I knew exactly what they’d taste like! Funny thing about making your own food: there are no mystery ingredients, no weird preparation methods, no secrets. Yes, it takes a little more time—but if you cook a squash, mush it up, and smear it into an ice cube tray, you’ve created enough servings to last a long while.

The Bottom Line: Our distinguished panel definitely felt that the frozen baby foods tasted better than the jarred ones. However, they’d be prohibitively expensive if they were all you bought. Luckily, there’s one option that’s affordable, tasty, and healthy: making your own. You can do it!

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